Marching On

My last relapse was so spiritually devastating. I really believed that I had passed the point of no return.

My name is Cynthia, and I am an alcoholic.  I have been in and out of meetings since 1992, and have been in and out of recovery since 2003.  This last time, I picked up on Christmas night, 2009 after being sober for 8 months.  I had even done my first 5th step in August of that year.  I was on step 8, yet never made it to 12.

Today, God, my sobriety, and my family represent new life to me. Returning to treatment and being pregnant and homeless was very humbling and humiliating for me.  I was engulfed in a sea of guilt, hurt, shame and remorse.  Self-pity threatened to snuff out the tiny little light of hope I saw. I called Maggie’s Place at the end of December 2009, because, in my heart, I knew that the precious baby growing inside of me was in danger if I did not stick to my sobriety plan this time.  I called numerous places in an attempt to seek help, but never followed through or committed to anything.  I know it is God’s extraordinary grace, unfailing mercy, and miracle-working power that explain how or why I am even here right now.  I usually run and keep running until something tragic happens.  This time was different.

After four months of treatment, I moved to Maggie’s Place on June 25, 2010 – two weeks before my due date.  I was anxious and nervous to move into Maggie’s Place.  I just knew I needed to be in a safe place, so I prayed and asked God to help me do His will, not mine. Charles Douglas was born healthy on July 9, 2010. Today, we are living our best lives by being a part of the Maggie’s Place community.  I just finished a 5 week state tested nursing assistant training course in January 2011 and I am now working part-time for an agency.  We attend church often, and I continue to pray and do what is necessary for my recovery. I just celebrated a year of sobriety on February 20, 2011, and I am working to finish my fourth step so I can do my first lead.  I am learning to love myself more and to be more assertive.  My relationships with my family are being restored and it’s just awesome—words can’t describe it. I am so grateful for my life today and all the blessings in it.  I plan to spend the rest of it showing God how much I appreciate all He has done for me.  I am striving to be the best mom I can be to my children.  I am planning to go back to college this fall.

I tell people about Maggie’s Place a lot because had it not been for the house, the staff, and the fellow moms and volunteers, I would not be where I am today.

I tell people about Maggie’s Place a lot because had it not been for the house, the staff, and the fellow moms and volunteers, I would not be where I am today.  Their sacrifice and support,  be it physical, mental or spiritual, is immeasurable.  I will never be able to thank them enough.  May God continue to bless and keep us all focused.  The most important lesson that I’ve learned thus far is that it’s not about me.